Firsts

Since Alijah could basically speak, he said he wanted to be a fireman just like his Tio. Today when we asked him he said, “I want to save people.”

Tito replies, “Like a policeman, a doctor, a fireman?” He responds, “No I just want to save people.”

As we drove back home, I didn’t even cry. I actually felt fine, proud…excited for him. Then as I sat for a while, things started to settle. I remember this is the same shirt he wore for his big brothers last celebration of life. Then the emotions that I push back daily flood the forefront of my mind. We’ve never made it this far. 

As I sit back and reflect on both their sweet lives, and then Alijah’s words I realize every FIRST since that 2.5 year mark holds this same feeling. Although this day is bittersweet, I still remain grateful because…we’ve never made it this far.

Even all these years later, I realize I don’t know how to process these feelings and sometimes don’t even recognize them as grief. I quickly push them aside to move forward. It’s only till these life moments come where I actually can feel it to where my heart aches. I then realize I need to allow myself to process the sadness and be ok with the joy knowing it does not take away from these special moments.

Today,  the shirt was not an accident and I have no doubt Alijah’s words came straight from heaven to his little heart. What an INCREDIBLE reminder of how GOD loves and cares for MY kids!!! I don’t know what God has planned for his life, but I have no doubt He has big plans for this little boy, and that Alijah is ready to do great things. ❤

I truly pray for His wisdom and strength to continue to guide him so whatever that looks like, will ALL be for His glory.

As I dropped him off, I stole a kiss and then he ran in and barely looked back.

XO